Thursday, February 24, 2011

Test and Research

A couple of days ago I took a pregnancy test.  I knew it would come up negative because it was too soon to test, but curiosity got the best of me.  Negative, but I expected that.  Still there was a little disappointment but I was still hopeful.  I mean we did everything right this time.  I relaxed, thought good thoughts, cervix tilted for at least 30 minutes after intercourse.  I tried not to get my hopes up but I couldn't help it.  I mean I had surgery in December to open my cervix, how could I not be hopeful that this was FINALLY the time??

So this morning I tested again.  Not a minute after testing, negative.  Seriously????  Yes, I cried in the shower.  

So I started researching this morning when I got to work.  I came across a website that talks about everyone being pregnant but you and it says:

  • Be a friend. Treat her the way you would want to be treated.

  • Be honest. Don’t be afraid to tell her how you are feeling. You might be surprised to hear that she is worrying about you.

  • Be angry. But don’t be angry with your friend. Try not to let this emotion cloud your mind. Express your anger in healthy ways. Physical exercise and writing are both good outlets for angry emotions.

  • Take care of yourself. Are you eating well and sleeping well? Are you taking care of your body and spirit? Spend some time recuperating. Go to be early or take a long walk. Trying to get pregnant can be stressful. Make sure you are taking care of you.

  • Talk to someone. Talk to a counselor, minister, or friend about how you are feeling. Talking to someone can help you sort out your feelings.

  • Find a support system. Find a support system. A support system does not have to be a formal meeting, group therapy or anything like that. A support system can be your mom, your sister, or a group of ladies you know from work. Find like-minded friends that you can count on for support.

  • Write your feelings down on paper. What will make you feel better? Ask yourself this question “What can I do to change the way I am feeling?” You can do nothing or you can write down some ways that you can change the way you are feeling. What works for you? This is a very personal question so take some time to evaluate your life and what you can do to be happy with your present circumstances. Now might be the time to schedule an appointment with your doctor to tell him or her your concerns about getting pregnant. Maybe you have been wanting to get back into an exercise routine but have let trying to get pregnant get in the way of this. Concentrate on what is right for you when you answer this question. You may not feel better right away but this exercise will help you to focus on changing the way you are feeling.

  • Do something about it. Once you write down your plan for how to change the way you are feeling, put it into practice. Use what you write down as a plan of action and follow through on it.

  • Read more:

    I've got the angry part covered.  19 months with nothing to show for it.  

    I've did a complete 180 with my diet and exercising and I even try to be careful around my ovulation time so that I don't screw it up.  Guess that didn't help.  

    Talk to someone?  yeah right.  Every time I bring it up people say "it will happen when God wants it to" or "your turn is next" or "you're trying to hard"....really??  How is that helpful?  

    I'm still working on the support system.  

    And I am writing about it...that's what you are reading.  As far as a plan, I have no idea where to go from here.  I told my gynecologist that I'd wait until April before we started fertility treatments and stuff again, but I honestly don't want to wait.  

    Wednesday, February 23, 2011


    Okay, this is getting old.  Another friend, another pregnancy.  When is my turn?  I've done everything I've been told.  Cut the caffeine out, lose weight, exercise, change your diet, OPKs, fertility drugs, more iron, I won't even begin to go into some of it....what's next?  I keep joking with Paul that maybe I should have been an alcoholic or drug addict....they seem to have an easy time having kids.  I mean really?  I think Paul and would make great parents.  Every day you hear on the news about a case of abuse, neglect, or stupidity from parents....why did they get to reproduce and not us?

    I know, I know...My day will come...yeah well I've heard that for 19 months now and I'm tired of it.

    Well that's the mood I'm in today, I'm sure you have those too.  Vent away.....vent away.....

    Thursday, February 10, 2011


    So another month has rolled in....and well lets just say I toasted "Great Aunt Flo".  That's kind of mean, being that I have a Great Aunt Flo....maybe I should call it something different?!!?!

    Well they say this is a new start and a new beginning....okay, well let's begin!!  I'm so ready. 
    Everywhere I look people have kids.  Where I work there are 12 kids divided up between 5 people.  One of my bosses represents kids in court...most of my friends have either had their 2nd child or are working on it.  I've ready...I promise I really am or at least I'd like to give it a shot!!  

    People always tell me that you are never "ready" for a child.  I hate to disagree but I believe that Paul and I truly are.  After 19 months of trying, not trying, getting help, drugs, surgery, and lots of tears, I'm positive that we truly are ready.  Maybe impatient, but ready.  

    So for those of you out there reading this going through the same struggles, let me know and we'll toast our new beginnings together.  After all, that's why I write this blog.  Keep your heads up and no matter what anyone else says, keep on trying!!  

    Wednesday, February 2, 2011


    Recently I read that most girls that are TTC celebrate their menstrual cycle.  Yes you read that right, celebrate.  I'm not sure about that, but after reading several posts by various ladies all over the world, I think I'm going to give it a shot.

    Accord to these other ladies, it's a fresh start and you have to look at it that way or you will go insane.  They recommend going shopping and buying you something special.  Not something for someone else or for the house or your husband...but for YOU.  Hmmm....I recently bought a purse, a fake pearl necklace, and a scarf...would it be fair for me to go buy something else for me this soon??, then I read that you can also toast yourself, your period, and to a new beginning or clean slate...Yup right up my alley.

    So, very soon I could be toasting my "great aunt flo" or celebrating a pregnancy....either way, I'm celebrating!